What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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