There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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