Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
