I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
