I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I will die if light touches me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
