Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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