I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
