so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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