Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
