Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
