just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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