watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
