There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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