I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
