i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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