I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
