just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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