I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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