maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
