I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
