Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
