You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
