I think I just saw someone hide a body.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
