i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
