weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
