You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
