FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
