My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
