so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize