In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
