dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
