Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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