Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
