I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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