my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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