I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
