where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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