No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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