I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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