I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
