First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
