I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
