another moral hangover. fuck.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
