remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this boner is exhausting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
