are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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