Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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