i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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