Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
