3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
