dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to make out with him forever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
