it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
