Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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