If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
