it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
