That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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