i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
