My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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