i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
