i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
