Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
