im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
wow bdsm is so cute
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