If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
