woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
