Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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