I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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