I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
