You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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