They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay so I just had a really great idea
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me