i don't like sucking hair
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
