I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
