yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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