You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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