Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
