I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
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My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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