So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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