i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
