i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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