I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
