just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
