im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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