She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
